In our day-to-day lives it is easy to miss the forest for the trees and look over some of the smaller, simpler things that can disproportionally affect our happiness levels. Luckily, we can go off more than just our intuition; there are lots of studies that aim for finding the right behavior that leads to a happier life. Below, we take a look at some of the more actionable advice.ย
1. Be Busy, But Not Rushed
Research shows that being โrushedโ puts you on the fast track to being miserable. On the other hand, many studies suggest that having nothing to do can also take its toll, bad news for those who subscribe to the Office Space dream of doing nothing.
The porridge is just right when youโre living a productive life at a comfortable pace. Meaning: you should be expanding your comfort zone often, but not so much that you feel overwhelmed. Easier said than done, but certainly an ideal to strive towards.
Feeling like youโre doing busywork is often the result of saying “Yes” to things you are not absolutely excited about. Be sure to say “No” to things that donโt make you say, “Hell yeah!” We all have obligations, but a comfortable pace can only be found by a person willing to say no to most things, and whoโs able to say “Yes” to the right things.
2. Have 5 Close Relationships
Having a few close relationships keeps people happier when theyโre young, and has even been shown to help usย live longer, with a higher quality of life. True friends really are worth their weight in gold.ย But why five relationships? This seemed to be an acceptable average from a variety of studies. Take this excerpt from the book Finding Flow:
The number isnโt the important aspect here, it is the effort you put into your relationships that matters. Studies show that even the best relationships dissolve over time; a closeness with someone is something you need to continually earn, never treat it as a given. Every time you connect with those close to you, you further strengthen those bonds and give yourself a little boost of happiness at the same time. The data show that checking in around every two weeks is the sweet spot for very close friends.ย
3. Donโt Tie Your Happiness to External Events
Self-esteem is a tricky beast. Itโs certainly good for confidence, but a variety of research suggests that self-esteem that is bound to external success can be quite fickle. For example, certain students who tied their self-esteem to their grades experienced small boosts when they received a grad school acceptance letter, but harsh drops in self-esteem when they were rejected.
Tying your happiness to external events can also lead to behavior which avoids failure as a defensive measure. Think of all the times you tell yourself, โIt doesnโt matter that I failed, because I wasnโt even trying.โ ย The key may be, as C.S. Lewis suggests, to instead think of yourself less, thus avoiding the trap of tying your self-worth to external signals.
4. Exercise
Yup, no verbose headline here, because there is no getting around it: no matter how much you hate exercise, it will make you feel better if you stick with it. Body image improves when you exercise (even if results donโt right away).ย And eventually, you should start seeing that โexercise highโ once youโre able to pass the initial hump:ย The release of endorphins has an addictive effect, and more exercise is needed to achieve the same level of euphoria over time.
So make it one of your regular habits.ย It does not matter which activity you choose, thereโs bound to be at least one physical activity you can stomach.
5. Embrace Discomfort for Mastery
Happy people generally have something known as a โsignature strengthโ โ At least one thing theyโve become proficient at, even if the learning process made them uncomfortable.
Research has suggested that mastering a skill may be just as stressful as you might think. Researchers found that although the process of becoming proficient at something took its toll on people in the form of stress, participants reported that these same activities made them feel happy and satisfied when they looked back on their day as a whole.
As the cartoon Adventure Timeย famously said, โSuckinโ at something is the first step to being sorta good at something,โ and itโs true, struggle is the evidence of progress. The rewards of becoming great at something far outweigh the short-term discomfort that is caused earning your stripes.
6. Spend More Money on Experiences
Truly happy people are very mindful of spending money on physical items, opting instead to spend much of their money on experiences. ย โExperiential purchasesโ tend to make us happier, at least according to the research. In fact, a variety of research shows that most people are far happier when buying experiences vs. buying material goods.
Here are some reasons why this might be, according to the literature:
- Experiences improve over time. Aging like a fine wine, great experiences trump physical items, which often wear off quickly (โUgh, my phone is so old!โ). Experiences can be relived for years.
- People revisit experiences more often. Research shows that experiences are recalled more often than material purchases. You are more likely to remember your firstย hiking trip over your first pair of hiking boots (although you do need to make that purchase, or youโll have some sore feet!).
- Experiences are more unique. Most people try to deny, but we humans are constantly comparing ourselves to one another. Comparisons can often make us unhappy, but experiences are often immune to this as they are unique to us. Nobody in the world will have the exact experience you had with your wife on that trip to Italy.
- We adapt slowly to experiences. Consumer research shows that experiences take longer to โget used to.โ Have you ever felt really energized, refreshed, or just different after coming back from a great show/dinner/vacation? It is harder to replicate that feeling with material purchases.
- Experiences are social.ย Human beings are social animals. Did you know that true solitary confinement is often classified as โcruel and unusualโ punishment due to the detrimental effects it can have on the mind? Experiences get us out of our comfort zone, out of our house, and perhaps involved in those close relationships we need to be happy.
7. Donโt Ignore Your Itches
This one is more anecdotal than scientific, but perhaps most important.
When the Guardian asked a hospice nurse for the Top 5 Regrets of the Dying, one of the most common answers was that people regretted not being true to their dreams:
As they say, there are seven days in the week, and โsomedayโ isnโt one of them.
โ
How about you?
What specific mindsets or habits keep you happy?